1: Sarcasm
The media seems to have taken a liking to the sarcastic undertone, and therefore, so have we. We use the behavior in our everyday language more than ever before, often in a dark-humored, cynical way that may be funny but often also hurtful. It’s when we say the exact opposite of what we really mean, like complimenting your partner’s memory when he/she is frantically looking for his/her wallet.
Sarcasm is VERY contagious and if used heavily, it’s a constant presence of judgement and belittlement. The user of sarcasm usually uses it to hide their own insecurities by making others aware of theirs. “Nice pants, Sally. The mud stain on them really compliments your hair color“. “I loved your presentation Thomas, especially when you stuttered your way through the introduction“. You get the picture.
The origin of sarcasm stems from the Greek word “sarkazein”, meaning “to tear skin” which accurately depicts its effects. In English, sarcasm is defined as “the use of irony to mock or convey contempt”. Ultimately, heavy use of sarcasm puts up a barrier that prevents true, honest conversation with room for genuineness and growth.
2: Rational thinking
There is no doubt that rational thinking has its perks. Planning, problem-solving, and some decision making are all most effective when we think logically and strategically. Rational thinking is what we’re taught in school. We’re taught to observe, analyze, react, and evaluate — then repeat. But what about FEEL ?
The problem arises when rational thinking becomes the CORRECT or ONLY way; when it becomes a way of life. Not everything is meant to be scheduled, measured, or timed. Important life decisions shouldn’t only depend on what’s the strategically smartest move in which case our life can get too simple and predictable. Why do we do it? Because it’s safe. But that is not why we were put on this planet.
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are meant for”
John A. Shedd, American author
We are so used to making decision with our head that we forget about our heart. We forget about our intuition which is OUR INNER COMPASS in life — our guide. Before making a big life decision, ask yourself: Are you making this decision because it’s smartest move or because it feels right? Find your courage, listen to your intuition, and take chances based on your gut because guess what… Sometimes, our most ILLOGICAL choices evolve into life’s most beautiful adventures.
3: Painkillers
Even though painkillers are easily accessible pretty much anywhere, most users aren’t fully aware of their side effects. As you may already know, long time use of painkillers include gastrointestinal damage, sleeping problems, decreased immune system activity, and worse pain than when you started. If you rely on the relief from pills, it doesn’t take long for your mind and body to become dependent on their aid, and you’ve become addicted.
Of course, painkillers are very helpful in emergency situations with intense pain, but taking them on an everyday basis is not sustainable. The problem is that painkillers don’t treat the reason why the pain is there in the first place; they only ease the symptoms. If you take painkillers consistently, you might be running away from the problem. ONLY YOU can soothe that problem by approaching the illness or injury from a different perspective. Your mind and body are connected. If your body gets hurt, your mind responds, and if your emotions get hurt, your body compensates.
In Western medicine, we look at the body like a machine. If a body part disfunctions, we try to fix that body part. However, once you ask why the body part wasn’t functioning in the first place, you’ll find the key to your mental and physical health. Ultimately, you must view yourself from a more holistic perspective and work on the root cause of your problems.
4: Excessive health awareness
Awareness on mental and physical health is good, but just like anything else in life, TOO MUCH awareness is bad. Same goes for working out, dieting, and many other popular health trends. All of the sudden, a healthy habit turns into an obsession — a COMPULSION . Let’s look at the difference.
Pretend that you like to eat VERY healthy. You count your calories, weigh yourself everyday, and never forget to check the ingredients on the back of your groceries. Now, question your intention for this behavior. Are you eating healthy because you wish to be your best self? Or is it because you are afraid of disease? Of being overweight? Of not being desired? Are you really doing this out of fear? If the answer is yes, over time, being healthy is no longer a good habit. Another indicator is if you feel shame or guilt when NOT carrying out the behavior. If so, you’re dealing with a compulsion.
When we do things out of fear, we’re more likely to take them too far; we’re more likely to become addicted to the behavior because we NEED it. Otherwise we feel that we can’t be happy. Here, it’s important to remember the power of moderation, because good things turn bad when controlled excessively — even your health.
Learn about the 3 KINDS OF BAD HABITS and how to locate them here: https://guidesforgrowth.com/outgrow-bad-habits/
5: #nodaysoff
In some settings, over-working is viewed as respectable — as a sign of character and integrity. For instance, in Japan, this tendency is so bad that there’s a term for it. “Karoshi” translates to “overwork death”, and sadly, there’s no less than 10.000 DEATHS each year from overwork.
Being hard-working is a desirable trait — no doubt about that, but the key word here is balance. As a society, we NEED to find a way where chasing our dreams and maintaining good mental and physical health go hand in hand.
The “nodaysoff”-mentality is a product of a society where sacrificing personal well-being in exchange for success is seen as honorable. As a sign of strong will and dedication. Passion is wonderful, but when we’re constantly trying to “make it to the top”, we quickly lose sight of what’s TRULY important in life like selfcare and relationships. We lose sight of the person we REALLY are. If this resonates with you, take a day off. In fact, you might need a few.
6: Being tough
From early childhood, we are told to “toughen up”. “Be a man” or “man up” is the message. Little boys and girls are told not cry so much. Why? Because it shows weakness and is therefore deemed socially unacceptable. In other words, we are conditioned to hide our negative emotions. Our idea of toughness is based on an unrealistic expectation to ALWAYS be masculine and strong when faced with adversity, but that is not how the human mind is engineered.
We are taught to believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, and many of us never get in touch with our emotional side. We learn to ignore or neglect painful emotions which is a HUGE problem, because what we do not EXPRESS, we SUPRESS.
“What comes out of the body doesn’t make us ill, but what stays in there does”
Edith Eger, Holocaust survivor and psychologist
Essentially, we walk around with a heavy baggage of undealt with emotions without being aware of its weight and control over our lives. Being tough on the exterior is fine, but REAL TOUGHNESS is when you are “man enough to face your true feelings — unfiltered. Real toughness is when you look into the mirror, face your fears and flaws, and you work through them. THAT’S growth.
Check out Guides for Growth’s article on dealing with emotions and FINDING THE REAL YOU beneath the tough exterior: https://guidesforgrowth.com/true-self/
7: Protective parenting
We all want our children to be happy; to live a long life, elegantly cruising through the stages of being. Therefore, when we see our child experiencing pain and unfairness, we interfere. We try to SOLVE their problems and fail to realize that their pain is also their lesson.
As you know, pain is a natural part of life; a part that your child could never accept if he/she doesn’t learn to cope with it themselves. One day, sooner or later, your child will have to stand on their own feet, and if they don’t possess the mental and emotional resources to cope with pain, their life is going to be opposite of what you intended.
Pain is the greatest teacher which is why we should never REMOVE the pain. Let our children be a student of the pain as we lovingly support them through it. Learning from it. Growing. That’s how we foster RESILIENCE in our children.
8: Efficient living
We live in a fast-paced world where EFFICIENCY is highly praised. Time is money, right? But, do you ever stop to just be in the present moment? Efficient living is stressful to the human mind, and that’s exactly what the world is suffering from right now. In fact, this lifestyle has led to an ALL-TIME-HIGH in stress levels among Americans causing more mental illness and unhappiness.
The “go go go” lifestyle can be addicting, and in some cases, you may feel like you NEED to be on the go. Many of us then rely on external energy sources like coffee and energy drinks that are products of this lifestyle. If you can’t get through the day without NEEDING energy boosters, it’s a clear sign that your mind and body are asking for change. If this is you, allow yourself to embrace the feeling of restlessness. Aim for a sustainable lifestyle — not an efficient one.
9: Religious rigidness
Any kind of rigidness is toxic, but one that we see often, is religious rigidness. We firmly hold on to the sacred teachings of our religion, and that’s fine if that’s what we truly believe in. But, how do you know if that’s what you truly believe in, if you have never opened your mind to listen to Buddhist teachings? Or read the words of the holy Quran? Or Toltec wisdom?
Rigidness represents close-mindedness. There’s no room for expansion of consciousness because THIS IS THE TRUTH . We we’re raised to believe it, and only the bravest of us question it. Additionally, by assuming that something is right, it automatically makes everything else wrong. And here’s a real eye-opener: There is no right or wrong, only variations of the truth. Your truth isn’t any righter than your neighbor’s truth. It’s simply multiple truths that co-exist.
At the end of the day, you, me, your favorite artist, and your pastor have NO IDEA what happens after death. We may think that we do, but we don’t. A big part of awareness is realizing that we know nothing about life, and anyone who pretends they do, is merely expressing THEIR truth — not yours (yes, same goes for these words).
10: The winning mentality
Everybody wants to be a winner — understandably so. Who doesn’t want to be successful? Unfortunately, there can only be ONE winner, so what does that make the rest of us? Losers? Failures? This mentality is what our capitalistic society is built on which is why competition is so deeply engrained in us. Being the biggest, fastest, smartest, or most beautiful. Survival of the fittest. In fact, this is why we adore celebrities and athletes so much. We see the success in them that we crave so badly and want to be like them, but truthfully, we’ve got it ALL WRONG .
Winner vs. loser thinking is harmful to the humanity in all of us. From an early age, we start to view our peers as competitors instead of neighbors and friends; it’s no wonder that millions of people grow up with anxiety, trust issues, and fear of failure. Competition is GREAT for business and motivation, so please don’t think it’s all bad. America is built on this — the American dream. But, is being successful the purpose of life?
Once you understand that there are no winners or losers, you’ll see that people are just people — even the most successful ones are merely plain, old human. Fortunately, you get to define success for yourself instead of through the eyes of society. Ask yourself: What makes you successful? Is it money, fame, or achievements? Respect? Or is it something deeper than that? Something more internal?
Most importantly…
We hope this article helped you become a little more aware of harmful tendencies in society. Even though a certain behavior is very commonly accepted, it doesn’t mind it’s good — it’s merely culture. Always remain critical of behavioral tendencies in society and question your own habits.
At the same time, you can’t be living in a bubble. There are an ocean of bad influences, and it would be unrealistic to try to control all of them. If there’s an imbalance inside you, you are far more likely to take things too far, so take a good look in the mirror, and do your inner work.
If you resonated with some of these behaviors, check out Guides for Growth’s post about OUTGROWING BAD HABITS. And as always, please share this information with anyone you think may benefit from it. Awareness is the secret to being in the driver’s seat of your own life, so do yourself and the world a favor and help spread the word. Thank you for your time.
— Guides for Growth